Nearly gave birth in the car, by a tree, in a lobby....

Brought to you by Alex Elliot of Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, I'm writing one more birthing story in honor of her son's birthday. Tuesday's story was my sons' birth. Yesterday was the story of my birth in 1968. This final story is my daughter's.

***

At 32 weeks pregnant with my third child, there was a flu bug going around our town and my older children's school. One evening the baby inside of me wasn't moving as much. I called the hospital and found myself late in the night having an amniocentesis and getting a pep talk that I may need an emergency c-section. I kept apologizing to my husband that I was incapable of keeping a baby inside of me since our then three-year-old twins had been born at 30 weeks.

But the crisis passed and the baby stayed inside of me. I was sent home on bed rest, just like the first pregnancy, but could work from home which meant I could sit up for extended periods. Eventually, by week 37 I could go out of the house.

I took the boys to family friends' house for a pizza dinner. Early in the evening I felt lousy and the husband offered to drive me to the hospital. We tracked down my brother to get the boys and my husband to meet me at the hospital.

I got there and was told nothing was happening. I was sent home.

I went to bed around 11pm. I woke up several hours later in a pain I had never felt. It came in waves so I paced around for some time. At one point I felt like I had to use the toilet so I went to the bathroom and pushed. Then I got up and walked around some more. After 40 minutes, I called the hospital only to find that my obstetrician - a woman younger than me who I adored - was actually on call that night.

"I'm not calling an ambulance" she said "but you are in labor. How fast can you get here?"

I explained that I needed to wait for my dad to get to the house to stay with the boys so it would be a while.

"I won't call [state child protection services] if you leave the kids alone sleeping in the house. Get to the hospital NOW!" she yelled.

I waited for my dad to get to the house.

As Amazing Guy and I got into the van an amazing amount of fluid gushed out of me right onto the front passenger seat. I jumped out of the car in shock and he laid out golf towels for me to sit on for the ride to the hospital.

Then the drive began. I had the windows down and my head out of the window as I panted through contractions. We drove past trees that I seriously considered yelling for him to pull over so I could just squat and get it over with.

It was nearly 3:00 am and we ran every red light. It didn't pose a risk for us or other drivers, since there were none.

We were told to go to the Emergency Department. Amazing Guy dropped me off at the entrance and I hobbled in pain to the desk as he went to leave the van with a parking attendant. I got to the clerk and even though I was told they would be ready for me I was directed to the special (and very slow) office just for pregnant women.

"But I'm about to deliver NOW!" I wailed.

"You all are honey" the unsympathetic clerk as she smacked her gum.

I stumbled into the huge lobby atrium to see my husband run through the front door and smack into my obstetrician who was trying to meet us. We were separated by a cleaning crew who had blocked off a large area of the lobby so they could apply a new coat of wax on the floor.

I stumbled panting from the pain into the special office for pregnant women and started the admittance process only to have my obstetrician come charging into the office pushing a wheelchair with my husband right behind her.

"We need to take her NOW!" she yelled.

The processing clerk fussed that I wasn't in the system.

"We'll get her into the system!" yelled my obstetrician.

I got into the birthing room with my obstetrician, my husband and two nurses. In no time I was in a hospital gown and the doctor was telling my husband to push on my right leg while she pushed the left. I asked if I could have an epidural.

"You are too far along" said a nurse near my head. "You're about to have this baby".

I experienced pain I never thought possible. I pushed and pushed. Mind you I had never taken a birthing class because my first pregnancy ended at 30 weeks and we could never get our acts together to attend one for this one.

At one point I yelled "Get this f---ing kid out of me!!!" Which led my doctor to get close to my ear and whisper "If you put as much energy into pushing as you do into yelling, you will get this baby out faster."

So I pushed really hard while gritting my teeth.

And my healthy, full-term baby girl came out ten minutes after I got into the birthing room.

"Don't call me sweetheart!"

Brought to you by Alex Elliot of Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, I'm writing yet another birthing story in honor of her son's birthday. Guess which baby this one is.

***

They came home late from an event. He didn't listen to the radio so he wouldn't know the outcome of a basketball game that would be rebroadcast on one of the four channels on the television. Her belly was swollen from carrying a baby for 9 months.

She went to bed later than usual as he settled down on the couch to watch the replay of the game. During the second quarter she came to him saying she was in labor.

"No you're not." he assured her. He reminded her he had worked at the admittance desk of a maternity ward and he knew what a pregnant woman looked like.

He was desperate to watch the game.

"TAKE ME TO THE HOSPITAL NOW!" she not-so-politely declared.

***

He dropped her off at the front door of the hospital while he went to park the car. Once in the building he decided to go up the stairs in an attempt to find his wife. He suddenly realized he wouldn't be able to locate her this way.

He stuck his head out of the stairwell and into a hallway.

"DON'T CALL ME SWEETHEART!! YOU CAN CALL ME MRS. [SMID's MOTHER]!!!!!"

He found her. Politely reminding the obstetrician the correct way to address her.

And I arrived a few hours later at 2:42 in the morning.

Not really happening

Brought to you by Alex Elliot of Formula Fed and Flexible Parenting, I'm writing my birthing story in honor of her son's birthday.

***

I was 27 weeks pregnant with twins in early August. While I looked like the size of a small elephant at 15 months gestation, I was healthy. On a Thursday morning I felt a bit lousy sitting at my desk at work so I called the head nurse for my obstetrician (he was the chief of obstetrics at a major teaching hospital - he had layers of nurses). She demanded I get into the office ASAP.

I went to a meeting instead.

I took the subway to the hospital.

I was yelled at in the examination room.

The medical team was beside themselves. I can't really recall what the issue was but I was put on bed rest. I clearly didn't do it well because a few days later I was in the hospital for a few days to keep me in a bed. I called it "bed rest boot camp".

Eventually they let me out and I spent three weeks getting up from bed, walking to the sofa, and watching Amazing Guy place a full ice chest of drinks and food next to me since I couldn't get up to fix food in the kitchen. I could only get up to use the toilet.

"If you get to 30 weeks," our doctor said, "[the babies] will go to the graduate school of their choice". Gives you a sense of the educational expectations of where I live.

In the middle of the night at 30 weeks, I woke up feeling waves of pressure and this feeling of panic. Amazing Guy calls the hospital and the doctor on call said I had a urinary tract infection.

At some point my husband starting yelling at the guy that this wasn't a urinary tract infection and that we were coming to the hospital.

This part is all a daze. The young woman obstetrician on call checked me and announced I was giving birth that day and an anesthesiologist whose first name was Wolfgang came in to give me an epidural. While I don't recall the pain leading up to it, I remember feeling very grateful to have the epidural. To the point I was suggesting we name the babies "Wolf" and "Gang" in honor of the man with the medicine.

I was wheeled into an operating room after 6:00 am with three obstetricians, Wolfgang the anesthesiologist, several nurses and a medical team (comprising of a doctor and nurse) for each baby. Including me and Amazing Guy we had enough to field a football team (American or futbol, take your pick).

We didn't know the gender of the babies but knew they were identical. We agreed on two boys names when we found out during the 14th week of pregnancy we were having twins. We could not agree on one girl's name, never mind two. Right before the babies came out, Amazing Guy leaned into my ear and told me he agreed to the two girls names I had wanted.

It was clear that I could deliver vaginally so I was told to push and actually enjoyed feeling the waves of contractions without the pain. One of the obstetricians told me a head was appearing and asked if I wanted to reach down and touch the top. I reached forward and giggle. His response was, "that is the best thing I've heard all day."

We'll disregard it was only the 6th hour of the day.

But I'm grateful for that touch. I wouldn't touch that baby for another 24 hours.

After a few more pushes our son came out, let out a cry and was whisked away to a table. I didn't see him.

The other son took another ten minutes to arrive. There were several jokes that he was enjoying my uterus all to himself. He eventually came out, didn't cry as much and was also whisked away to another table.

They were eventually wheeled away while I laid on a table. They would spend the next 2 months in a Neonatal Intensive Care Unit.