Dimming Twilight

I teach middle school students at my church. I had the privilege (really, it is) to drive them most Sundays to and from the class because we co-taught the class with another church in a different town. So I got to hear their conversations, have them tell me jokes (some of which were pretty funny) and listen into their worlds.

It has been an honor.

And they clued me into Twilight.

I was aware of the Stephenie Meyer's phenom. Knew of the movie. I didn't bother to read any of the books nor see the movie. But then the girls started talking about the first book in the series, Twilight. They even brought up the main character, Bella, during a discussion of female and male characters in pop culture. Some girls in the class thought Bella was strong and spoke her mind. Others thought she was a wet dish rag. It amazed me that one character could illicit such different responses.

I finally realized that this book and these characters were important to the 12 and 13 year olds I was teaching. I needed to read the book.

And the second one. And the third. And the fourth. I pretty much inhaled the entire series in less than a month.

The first one was sweet. The second and third were more of the same. The fourth one made me want to jump through the book and yell at the author. I felt she completely betrayed her young readers by writing a novel that portrayed Bella's first experience with sex as horribly hurtful, described pregnancy and childbirth in disgusting horror movie fashion and made all the painful life decisions Bella made become easy. Nothing was ever really hard for Bella. Well aside from being eaten alive (literally) by her baby but even in the end that turned out to be so easy. The kid NEVER cried. EVER!

I finished the series a while ago and have been struggling to write about the experience, the frustration, the anger I feel towards Meyer and her complete betrayal of her young fans. The fourth book should not be marketed towards middle schoolers. She should be ashamed of what she wrote.

It took my dear friend Jen suggesting this Ms. Magazine piece by Carmen D. Siering entitled Talking Back to Twilight that finally gave me the focus for my frustration. Every paragraph rings true. For instance:

The Twilight saga has become something of a bonding phenomenon among mothers and daughters. But reading the books together and mutually swooning over Edward isn’t enough. As influential adults, mothers (and, by extension, teachers and librarians) have an obligation to start a conversation concerning the darker themes and anti-feminist rhetoric in these tales. There is plenty to work with, from the dangers of losing yourself in an obsessive relationship to the realities of owning one’s sexuality.

I'm clearly awakening as a parent. Just like Lady Gag-Me and now You Spin Me Round (the super nasty remake), I need to pay close attention to what my kids read, sing and watch.

Like when one of my guys came down to retrieve the recently returned copy of Twilight on the kitchen counter. "Mama," he informed me "we're going to start reading Twilight."

We grabbed Judy Moody instead.

"Sad, lonely, por"

One of my second grade sons came home with the following completed assignment. The photocopied cover had the title blacked out so he and his classmates didn't know the name of the book.

Book Cover Investigation

Today you looked at the cover of a classroom book. I want you to think about what you see and feel when you look at it. Think about and answer these questions.

Who do you think the main character will be in the story?

I think the main charcter (sic) is the boy on the front cover.

Write 3 things that describe this character:
Sad
Lonely
Por (poor)

Where do you think the story takes place?

I think the story takes place in a desert in egypt.

Write three details from the picture that support your idea.

Theres a camel and it looks realy hot. [Mom note: only two there].

Do you think the main character has a problem?

Yes.

What do you think this story will be about?

A child in the desert.

How does this picture make you feel when you look at it?

It makes me feel sad.

Name 3 specific things from the cover that make you feel that way.

The boy is homeless.
He looks sad.
There lost. (this week the class is studying "they're" for spelling)

And while I am incredibly proud of this little man's empathy, I'm a bit worried about his view of the world. He sounds like a weary old man in these answers. A weary old man at age 8.

In praise of a bookstore

Last week I was on another blog reviewing a wonderful, wonderful independent bookstore. This is how it starts....

Dedham, Massachusetts is a suburb that literally bumps into Boston. Settled in 1635, the town has born witness to much of America’s history including the first tax-payer funded public school in the United States and the first human-made canal in North America. My family and I live in a house built in the 1870’s and I often wonder what previous occupants experienced, especially after a neighbor dug up an old boot that had buttons instead of laces.

Dedham’s colorful history also includes a distinctive pottery created in the early 20th century. The blue-grey glaze was a fortuitous mistake that lead to the popular Dedham pottery that often had rabbits on the borders or in the middle of the plate or bowl. I wouldn’t doubt that at some point a piece of that pottery was in our house.

So it only makes sense that Dedham’s independent children’s book store, located in the historic Square, would be called The Blue Bunny.

To read more go to Bookstore People.

I'm hooked. The lovely, book-obsessed ladies at Bookstore People have a readers' challenge. They love independent bookstores yet cannot visit every single one in the world. They are asking folks to visit independent bookstores - ones they frequent and new ones - and submit a write-up of the stores to their site.

I encourage folks to visit Bookstore People AND submit reviews of their favorite or newly discovered independent bookstores. Those bookstores need all the love we can give.

What did you read?

Today, the day after Day to Read 2009, is the day we all recount what we read yesterday instead of blogs. Did you dive into a good book? A stack of magazines? The newspaper?

I have to admit that my reading time was not as much as I hoped for. I had a meeting at church last night so didn't get home until 9pm. Got the kids into their beds then settled on the couch with a glass of wine and Erik Larson's Isaac's Storm about the 1900 hurricane that decimated Galveston, Texas.

I'm just past page 100 and Larson, who also wrote Devil in the White City which I loved, is going back and forth between the storm forming over Africa, the Atlantic and now the Caribbean to the history of weather reporting and the life of Issac Cline. At one point he wrote that a catastrophic hurricane would never hit Galveston. We know he is wrong, twice now.

It was good to sit in a quiet house with a good book and lose myself. Just what I needed.

Did you get what you needed yesterday?

THANK YOU to everyone who promoted Day to Read 2009. You all made it much more fun.

Guilty

The proliferation of video games, internet sites and of course television have all been blamed for the downfall of reading. I would like to think that I have this ideal house in which only reading is done. No stupid electronic crap enters my or my kids' heads.

So it is with great embarrassment that I admit that one son plays his DS until he falls asleep. Another son listens to Elvis on his iPod. At least my 4 year old daughter pretends to play school and "reads" books to her imaginary class.

Another reason why I won't be on-line tomorrow is to remind myself that I too need to read. To show my kids how it is done.

New Year's Day

"New Year's Day: Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual."

~Mark Twain

The power of reading

The kids were all sound asleep in record time. It was 8:30 and I was downstairs when little lady cried out from her room. She was yelling and crying.

I ran upstairs to find her sitting up in her bed, covering her mouth and saying something. I couldn't understand her at first.

"I turned pink!" she wept.

Just like in Pinkalicious, which we had read twice before she fell asleep.

I rubbed her checks, checked her belly and assured her she wasn't pink. Then she dropped back onto her pillow to cuddle under the covers.

Any books turned you a different color?

Do join in Day to Read on January 8, 2009. A group of us are turning off our computers (at least the times when we are on purely for fun) and opening a book, a magazine or a newspaper. Why? Read here to find out.

Day to Read 2009

January 8, 2009.

Please mark your calendar.

Because, again, I'm asking you a favor.

A year ago I asked folks to take the time they would blog and read something on paper instead. A book, a magazine, a pamphlet, the newspaper. Anything printed.

Why did I do this last year?

Because according to a report released last year reading books is linked to civic engagement. This National Endowment for the Arts reports that young folks aren't reading like they used to. Get this:

• only 30% of 13-year-olds read almost every day


• the number of 17-year-olds who never read for pleasure increased from 9 percent in 1984 to 19 percent in 2004 - that is 1 in 5 kids don't read for fun


• Almost half of Americans between ages 18 and 24 never read books for pleasure


• The average person between ages 15 and 24 spends 2 to 2 1/2 hours a day watching TV and 7 minutes reading

According to Diane Gioia, the Chair of the NEA,

"The poorest Americans who read did twice as much volunteering and charity work as the richest who did not read. The habit of regular reading awakens something inside a person that makes him or her take their own life more seriously and at the same time develops the sense that other people's lives are real."

A year later, that quote still gives me chills. It shows that reading can transcend poverty, help people think beyond themselves.

That is why I'm asking folks, myself included, to take time one day in January to stop blogging - for the entire day or part of the day - and use the blogging time to read. Last year over 100 folks got in touch with me to say they were suspending blogging for the day to read.

So read a book. A magazine. A newspaper. Take the button and please paste it in a post as well as your sidebar (link back to http://denyingsoccermom.blogspot.com/2008/12/day-to-read-2009.html). Write about this. About what books, magazines, newspapers mean to you. Write a couple of posts about writings that have taken you to another place.

Then Thursday, January 8, 2009 turn off your computer and read. Then on Friday, January 9th, write a bit about what you read.

Thank you. Again.

Free to Be - My Daughter and Me

One of the messages of Free to Be You and Me is just that, we are free to be who we are. In the book girls can be athletes, doctors and eaten by lions. Really. If you don't know the book, you are missing a key story line.

The girl eaten by the lions is a girlie girl - always wearing dresses and shiny Mary Jane shoes. She insists that girls should always go first. "Ladies First! Ladies First!" she declares as the lions are deciding who to eat first. They oblige her request. And end up wearing her dress. And her shoes.

So it is a bit mystifying how my 4-year-old daughter turned into a girlie girl. I don't wear make-up, can't be bothered with heels higher than an inch and don't always wear twirly skirts. My daughter plans her princess outfit the night before, talks non-stop about her boyfriends, and wouldn't play with a soccer ball unless it was pink.

How did I make this child?

But I was reassured when she announced over the weekend her following life ambition -

"When I am a mommy I am going to wear a jog bra, shorts and sneakers and run marathons."

You go girl. And I hope that jog bra is bright pink - or whatever color you love.

Just make sure you run from the lions. I don't want them wearing your jog bra.

What do you think I am? A loaf of bread?

When I was a little girl, and my brother was an even little-er boy, we got a hold of my mom's hand held tape recorder, sat down with a purple book (Free to Be You and Me) and recorded our own version of "Boy meets Girl" - the touching story of a boy baby and a girl baby meeting for the first time in the hospital nursery. Some of my favorite lines include:

"Hi!" says deeper voice (sounding suspiciously like Mel Brooks).

"Hi!" says higher voice (sounding an awful lot like Marlo Thomas).

"I'm a baby!" says lower voice.

"Well what do you think I am?" asks the higher voice. "A loaf of bread?"

"You could be. What do I know? I was just born".

But the part that made my brother just giggle uncontrollably in the tape?

The higher voice asks "What do I look like?"

And the lower voice says "You're bald fella'. Bald. Bald. Bald. Bald as a ping-pong ball!"

See here for yourself.

And guess what? For those of you who live near Boston, there will be a Free To Be You and Me party from at the The Blue Bunny Bookshop in Dedham Square, MA on Saturday, October 18th from 1:00pm to 3:00pm. This is a book release party (the new book includes a music CD) and book signing to celebrate the 35th anniversary edition.

Take my hand, come with me

There's a land that I see where the children are free
And I say it ain't far to this land from where we are
Take my hand, come with me, where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we'll live

The purple book with the big cartoon letter was heavy in my hands. There were cartoon children crawling all over the title of the book. Free to Be You and Me.

In a land where the river runs free
In a land through the green country
In a land to a shining sea
And you and me are free to be you and me

I see a land bright and clear, and the time's comin' near
When we'll live in this land, you and me, hand in hand
Take my hand, come along, lend your voice to my song
Come along, take my hand, sing a song

My parents completely bought into the message promoted by the authors, Marlo Thomas and Carol Hart, that children needed more stories that celebrated the differences in all of us. That celebrated the whole child, not the stereotypes. That had a popular football player sing "It's alright to cry" or a story about a boy who wanted a doll. That talked about parents as people.

For a land where the river runs free
For a land through the green country
For a land to a shining sea
For a land where the horses run free
And you and me are free to be you and me

Every boy in this land grows to be his own man
In this land, every girl grows to be her own woman
Take my hand, come with me where the children are free
Come with me, take my hand, and we'll run

My brother and I make a tape recording of our favorite story, two babies meeting each other in the hospital. Marlo Thomas and Mel Brooks recorded it on the album I had (along with the book). My brother and I did a better job.

To a land where the river runs free
To a land through the green country
To a land to a shining sea
To a land where the horses run free
To a land where the children are free
And you and me are free to be
And you and me are free to be
And you and me are free to be you and me

What's your favorite Free to Be moment or memory? Don't worry, I'll be doing this all week so feel free to let me know another day....

Everything is packed

The clan hasn't been on a trip in a while. A whole 38 days since we returned from our summer vacation in another part of the country.

Now we are off. On a plane. To a different time zone.

The bags are packed. The Elvis lyrics are printed out (just wait till you hear about the latest convert to all things Elvis). We've survived daily (hourly?) qestions of "today? today?" for the last two weeks. Ballet clothes and piano music is packed (you never know when you will be able to practice). Running gear is all clean and ready to be put to the test.

We are going to the Windy City.

But I won't be sharing the exploits from that trip for a little while because every day next week I will be celebrating all things Free to Be You and Me. I hope you will come with me....

So sad

My boss loaned me his copy of Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin back in the spring. I was very excited to read the 750+ page book about President Abraham Lincoln. I settled into the bench seat on the commuter train, took out the book and cracked it open to the first page.

"Oh! I read that book!" announced my seat mate. He seemed the stereotypical hockey dad - subsequent conversation confirmed he had several sons playing hockey - and had a thick local accent. He did not seem like someone who would have read the 754 pages of first person accounts of the life and times of Lincoln.

"But the ending, it is so sad" he said with great reverence and sorrow. Yes, sorrow.

I must have given him the most incredulous look. I did know that Lincoln died after being shot. Fortunately I rose above my irritation to have a lovely conversation with him about sports, raising sons and commuting on the train.

This weekend I sat in my parked van in the driveway while the boys slept after a ride on the highway and read the final 20 pages of Team of Rivals.

I completely understand the hockey dad's comment. Days after finishing the book I am still in mourning for an American President who violently died 143 years ago.

President Lincoln was not only an incredible president but an amazing human being. He was gracious, smart and funny. He used his humor to both settle tense situations but also to express his point. After his assassination, the book notes several diary entries and letters in which the writers express concern for the nation since the Civil War had only barely ended and Lincoln was still fighting for the Confederacy to be welcomed back into the nation with dignity and grace - a position not shared by hard-line Unionists.

If Lincoln had finished his second term, maybe even had one or two more years, his more magnanimous handling of the separatists would have taken hold. Maybe the South wouldn't continue to act as if the Civil War The War of Northern Aggression was still being fought. Maybe Jim Crow laws would have never taken effect. Maybe our country could have learned from the ultimate test the Civil War put on this "government of the people, by the people, for the people" as Lincoln said in Gettysburg, PA in 1863.

I wish I could take back that crazed look I gave my seat mate. I understand now.

The ending. It is so sad.

Oh how COULD they?

Now I am offended.

Really offended.

This week's New Yorker cover has me through the roof. Does it include racist stereotypes a la the summer cover of the Obamas?

No.



It has an image of the Governor of Alaska looking out over lots and lots of land in, well, Alaska. And what does Barry Blit (illustrator of that infamous July cover) call his image?

A Room with a View.

Oh how I hope E.M. Forster doesn't roll in his grave.

We all had the moon

One of the most special aspects of our vacation is we get to spend several days with my beloved Uncle and Aunt who reside deep in the South. By traveling past the Mason Dixon line, it enables them to come up and join us for several days.

Last year was the first time they joined us. While gazing at the moon during that first visit, my then three-year-old daughter taught my aunt, a retired preschool teacher, Laurie Berkner's Moon, Moon, Moon song. For her 4th birthday this past April, my aunt sent little lady a copy of Many Moons by James Thurber. A wonderful story about the sick princess Lenore and her desperate father, the king, who will get her anything to make her well. All she wants is the moon and eventually she gets it.

What was most touching about receiving the book was the note my Aunt enclosed explaining how her mother had read the book to her. My grandmother was a big fan of The New Yorker so I'm sure having a children's book written by a New Yorker writer was a huge treat for her to read to her children.

The copy of the book my aunt sent was the only one she had and included an inscription from a former preschool student's family thanking her for being a wonderful teacher. I was so touched that she gave my daughter her only copy of a book she cherished.

Weeks later I came upon a set of books my now (almost) 95 year old grandfather sent me when the boys were born. They were original editions of both The Little Prince and Many Moons, complete with the fancy "from the library of" labels with my late grandmother's name in typeset. My aunt had told me she didn't know what happened to the copy of Many Moons. It was so safely stored away from children's hands that I forgot I had it.

So I decided the original edition of Many Moons should go back to the woman who once had it read to her when she was a little girl. And that all of us should have our own moons like Thurber's princess Lenore. I asked an incredibly talented artist/jeweler here in town to design and create three moons - one for my aunt, one for my daughter and one for me. What she created were delicate hand painted moons with craters. On closer inspection you can see that a part is painted darker to show the crescent. Her design was brilliant.



We all sang "Moon, Moon, Moon" and read Many Moons while wearing our moon necklaces on vacation. Under a beautiful moon.

On this day in history

On July 22, 1862, Abraham Lincoln revealed to his cabinet (represented in the painting above) that he was considering a radical idea. The Civil War was waging, the Rebels from the South, bent on destroying the Union, were winning strategic battles and the North, determined to maintain the United States, was losing confidence.

I'm currently reading Team of Rivals by Doris Kearns Goodwin. It is an exhaustive biography of Lincoln as well as the men who ran against him for the Republican nomination. And how Lincoln included nearly all of them into his administration, often in key leadership positions that could have undermined him.

What Lincoln unveiled to his cabinet on July 22nd is the Emancipation Proclamation, the document that declared free any slaves residing in states that didn't rejoin the Union by January 1, 1863. I'm not going to do justice to the document or the dynamics leading up to it or the fall-out since I haven't gotten to that part of the book.

But several points up to now have floored me. Kearns Goodwin, through multiple primary sources including letters and diaries from those involved, shows how part of the motivation for declaring the slaves free was for their labor. Up to that point they had been laboring, as slaves, for the Southern forces, allowing the white male soldiers to either not have to dig trenches or prepare the battle sites or allowing the white male soldiers to know that crops were being tended by slaves back at home. Lincoln and others decided to declare all slaves free so that they in turn could do the same work for the Union forces, for pay.

I find this ironic.

The second point is how caught up many whites were, including leading abolitionists, that once the slaves were freed that they should be moved en mass to another country (either in Latin America or Africa) since there was supposedly no way whites and blacks could live together as equals. Lincoln went so far as to host a group of freed blacks in the White House, the first time such a meeting had ever occurred in the building, to discuss the idea. That group actually left the meeting promising to promote the idea to black leaders in various cities. Once out of the White House the idea was resoundingly denounced by those very same black leaders. Why would they leave the only country they knew? They were Americans by birthright.

Kearns Goodwin alludes to the evolution of Lincoln's thoughts about this but, again, I'm not far along to know how it concludes.

None of this diminishes my admiration and awe of Abraham Lincoln. He was truly brilliant and while long, Kearns Goodwin's biography has these moments of suspense and drama that truly make it impossible to put down. I for one plan to honor Presidents' Day with a bit more reverence next year. It isn't just a holiday to get a deal on a car or an appliance. It is a day to honor and reflect on how fortunate the United States of America was to have Abraham Lincoln as our President during some of our countries darkest years.

So what is your favorite Judy Blume book?

Really. I want to know.

This month members of my book group are picking their favorite Judy Blume book and reading that. During last month's gathering there was talk of Are you There God? It's Me Margaret and Deena.

My problem is my all-time, favorite book from that particular era of reading (because 2-3 years is so long in the life of a pre-teen it constitutes an era) was From the Mixed-Up Files of Mrs. Basil E. Frankweiler by E. L. Konigsburg. I know I read Judy Blume novels, I just don't really remember them.

Maybe I'll cheat and just read Konigsburg's classic about a brother and sister who run away to the museum and sleep there for the night. Or I could just read Jezebel's weekly discussion of teen literature and claim those memories as my own. But I really can't since someone in my bookgroup is the one who told all of us about the site.

So keep me honest - which Judy Blume book should I read by the end of the month?

Perfect mommy

An opinion-editorial by Abigal Jones in The Boston Globe this month taught me two things:

• There is a new book out called My Beautiful Mommy, which according to the piece "helps parents tell their young kids why mommy, who just came home from the hospital in bandages, will now have a new nose and a thinner waist". I kid you not. It's available on Amazon for $19.95.


• In her column Jones writes that "everyone knows what a 'mommy makeover' is" leading me to think really? I don't. She fortunately writes in the next line "in case you missed it: liposuction, tummy tuck, and breast lift, with or without breast implants". Thank you (sincerely) Ms. Jones. I had missed it.

Why had I missed it? Because when my kids poke my gut, the gut they were formerly residents of, and say "Mommy you are fat", I declare, in no uncertain terms that my belly is that way because of them.

I earned this body I am in. I have earned every wrinkle, every sag and every lumpy bump on it.

But the op-ed author makes an even more important point and I've seen it. It is in those moms who wear the same clothes as their teen daughters. Last summer I saw one mom of a teen boy who walked by a group of youths, was noticeably ogled, and puffed up like she was Miss Sexy as her son looked down in horror.

The point is are we really not going to let our children have the spotlight? Are we not going to let them be more beautiful or handsome than us when it is their time? I'm not writing that we shouldn't enjoy our bodies and dress as we want, but do we really want to be compared with 16 year olds?

I am getting older so my children can enjoy being young.

We should be proudly aging. We should be proudly showing our intelligence and skills, not fake skinny waists. We should be promoting books like My Mom is Great by Gaby Goldsack.

[Thanks Theresa, Kendyl and their awesome daughter Meg for telling me about this book at the playground then tracking down the title when I couldn't remember it and scanning the cover for me! You all are great].

So let's go be great. Great as we age.

Letters and books

Dear K
My name is S
I am 8 years old
I like to watch TV
I would like to know your name
Write back to me
Your Friend S

Dear J
My name is I. I am 9 years old. My favourite sport is rugby. I even like soccer too but I don't like soccer that much. Please write back if you can.
from I, your friend.

Dear: M
Hi My name is P. I am nine years old. My favourite animal is a dog. I want to be a television presenter. I like to play net ball. My favorite meat is a chicken. I would like to be your Africa friend. Please write back to me.
From P

Dear J
My name is L. I'm eleven years old. I am doing grade six. My favorite animal is a cat and my favorite movie is generation. I like to play netball. I am a beautiful girl. My favorite food is bread and meat. I like to sing and swim.
Please write back to me.
From your friend
L

Dear J
My name is B. I am 11 years old. I am in Grade 4.
My favourite animal is a cat and I like dance. My favorite story is Goston the Giant. I like to play Black toti. Write back to me please.
From B

Dear A
My name is L. I am 9 years old. I like to play rugby. My favorite food is samp and beans. Tell me what you play and what you like.
Your friend L

After months of waiting the children at our church finally heard back from their South African pen pals. These new friends have beautiful names like Soyama, Lutho and Bongi. This weekend we all wrote letters (I too have a very lengthy handwritten letter from the teacher) to our pen pals and organized a book sale of South African children's books. The proceeds from the sale go to buy books for under resourced school libraries in South Africa.


I hear the Easter Bunny likes to give books. Visit South Africa Partners to learn more about the initiative. And maybe buy a book or four.

Answering the call at the bowling ally

Last month I went bowling. I couldn't believe what I saw in the vending machine. Look closely under the 3rd e in Refreshments.


There are two copies of of the 1903 novel Call of the Wild by Jack London.


I asked an employee why the books were there. Apparently the owner was frustrated seeing kids hanging around - having lost interest in the lanes - while their parents or grandparents kept bowling. So he stocks the top row of one of the vending machines with books. He charges $2.00 per book.

"I see we need more books" said the employee.

***

Be sure to come back tomorrow evening to see my second (public) attempt at fiction inspired by Jen in Michigan's Writing Game. My writing will also be posted at a new site to be unveiled on Thursday, January 31st along with the fiction of 16 other writers.