Tuesday, November 20, 2007

You're a (sneer) girl

"You're a (insert sneer) girl!"

I cannot convey the nastiness that comes out of his mouth when he says that.

Let me clarify.

The nastiness that comes out of my son, who I gave birth to, when he says it to his twin brother.

One night I lost it.

It had been brewing for a week. He would insert it and I would try to get him to stop. Then, he finally said it one more time over dinner to his brother.

"So it there something wrong with me, your mother who just cooked this dinner, cleaned your clothes, picked you up from school and tucks you into bed at night, because I'm a girl?"

"No" he says looking down.

"Is there something wrong with your teacher because she is a girl?"

"No" in a smaller voice.

"Is there something wrong with your soccer coach because she is a girl?"

"No" as he shrinks into the kitchen floor.

"Is there something wrong with your sister because she is a girl?"

"No" as he starts to go off his chair as I rise off of mine.

"Is there something wrong with your grandmothers, your aunts, your principal, your minister and every other woman you interact with because they are girls?"

"No" as he starts to back into a corner.

"Good, so that means you won't mind writing 10 times on a piece of paper 'Girls are o.k.' and if you say it again you will write it 20 times and lose television for the evening."

What I didn't tell him is if he said it a third time he would be writing a two page essay on Susan B. Anthony.

Where the hell do boys learn that being a girl is bad, inferior, an insult?

I work very, very hard to stay calm when they say stupid things. But after a 7 month pregnancy with two of them inside of me (don't get me started on the virtual party going on inside my uterus, particularly at night), 8 weeks in the NICU, 16 months of nursing twins (I should get a medal for that one), all the various health issues, this list is starting to get too long but you get my drift....

After all I've done for my sons to have one of them equate being a girl as inferior? Oh sweet baby boy. You better fix your ways now.

And the next day? He didn't say it and he was very, very affectionate to me.

As he should be. As. He. Should. Be.


CableGirl said...

You go GIRL! Set that boy straight.

It really is amazing to me that boys (and sadly, sometimes full grown men) think that calling someone a girl is an insult. I heard a similar comment the other day at Kung Fu. "Frankie, don't be so girlie!".

Excuse me???? WTF is *that* supposed to mean? I'm a girl and I can kick you're ass you snot nosed little punk.

How do boys get these ideas? On behalf of all the girls I know: Thank you for setting one straight!

Jen of A2eatwrite said...

LOL. Right, right, right - as he should be.

Fourier Analyst said...

Start 'em young, train 'em right!! That's what I always say (although in the past it has often referred to potential boyfriends...).
Keep up the good work Darlin'! I know it ain't easy.

Flower Child said...

You cooked dinner?

Flower Child said...

Okay, just joking with that last comment. Sort of. Good for you! I get so mad when I hear little kids using terms like that as "insults". Where do they get this from? So glad you set him straight. Hopefully he'll be sure to repeat that to the person who taught him that "girl" was a bad word.

Jami said...

Girl. Gay. and any number of other stereotypical racial/religious/whatever epithets. We don't allow them in our house. Along with "stupid", "shut up" and a number of others.

And kids get them from other kids and from adults who OUGHT to know better.

Heather said...

You're awesome.

painted maypole said...


i hate, hate, hate when men say things like that "you throw like girl" "I cried like a girl" "don't be a pussy"


well done, allison. teach him now.

Jenn in Holland said...

As he should indeed! What a great teaching moment for him, and what a great moment for all of us that you took the time to teach it to him.
I remember lots of similar conversations in this house when the older two were young. That idea that something is "girly" sends me round the bend. I understand the differences between the sexes, believe me I do, but I refuse to MAKE UP differences between the sexes or support any long outmoded, outdated views of what those differences are.
No way, no how.
I am so proud of you baby. You go teach 'em Mama!!

Goofball said...

That's so right! That is so important!

Jenn said...

Good work.

chelle said...

Perfect! I am not sure where they learn it but tongue lashing it out of them is important!

Aimee Greeblemonkey said...

Sho' nuff!

Nap Warden said...

Holy moley...you told him!

Brillig said...

You nursed them for 16 months. Twins. Nursing. 16 months. I think I just passed out from admiration. You DO deserve a medal. You deserve an awards banquet!!! Good crap, woman!

Okay, but back to your point. Where DO they get it? My son and his friends have started to say similar things. Grrrrr. I liked your response, though. He's not likely to forget that any time soon. Which, again, makes you super mom who deserves an awards banquet!

Letti said...

Yes! I instantly recognised that one! I have two boys (11 and 13)and they have done the same thing. And I was just as shocked and flipped out and asked them why they thought that calling someone "a girl" would be considered an insult! Wanted to know what`s so terrible about girls and how could they and that they were insulting women ..... They couldn`t give me an answer and I really hated it, just like other horrible things they love to throw at each other e.g. "You`re handicapped / disabled" (they use the german word). THAT makes me almost madder, I`ve explained so many times why this is disgraceful, mean, thougtless and horrible and they just spit these things out without thinking about them. And they all talk like that...
What a world! All these men who believe that they can do better, are more intelligent and bla bla bla

SuzanneSays... said...

Go on with your bad self! I am TOTALLY memorizing that and will, no doubt, have the opportunity to regale my boys with it before the week is out.