Thursday, September 20, 2007

Car questions

In my church, middle schoolers have a sexuality class as part of religious education.

Have you spit out your beverage yet?

When I was young it was called About Your Sexuality (AYS). Now the curriculum is called Our Whole Lives (OWL). Once my brother and I were out of the house, my parents were OWL instructors during different parts of the 1990's and even into the 21st century. I remember calling home one evening as they were preparing for a lesson and hearing all this crinkling and grumbling.

"What are you two doing?"

Mom's reply was "trying to figure out what we should use for the condom demonstration - a cucumber or banana."

My favorite memory from my own class was bounding into the car as a 6th grader after the anatomy lesson. Both my parents were in the front seat. As my dad was driving up a very big hill in our town I leaned forward between them and asked,

"Dad. How long is you penis?"

My mom just burst into hysterical laughter as my dad nearly swerved into a tree on the other side of the road. He was able to right the car.

Then he gave me an answer. An actual number (and no I don't remember. And even if I did I wouldn't tell you).

It was my mom's turn to yelp and stutter "how do you know?"

He grins. "Do you think that is a question any high school boy doesn't know the answer to?"

***
Curious to see what I look like? Revisit Goofball's post about meeting me. She went back and posted a photo. And go look at her other posts. She took some great photos.

14 comments:

Jodi said...

you do not look a thing like I pictured!

painted maypole said...

ha ha ha! My Dad used to teach a whole session on sexuality and birth control during confirmation class (7th/8th grade). He warned all the parents, and they were allowed to keep their kids home. He said "if the school isn't teaching them, someone has to" I never lived down the day my dad whipped out a condom at church, in front of me and all my friends. Of course, I had already gotten the talk a few years before, when my parents pulled out their handy box of birth control displays ("this is a sponge, this is an IUD, this is a condom" much to my brother's and my slack jawed, red faced silence) My mom taught pregnant teenagers, so felt pretty strongly about it, too. ;)

off to look at your picture...

FENICLE said...

Oh my! That is classic!!! I can't believe you asked that ?.

I'm off to your picture as well. Gotta put a face with that kind of humor!

soccer mom in denial said...

What Jodi? not sexy enough for you?

Maypole - I'm so glad there are others out there with parents who weren't afraid of us or our questions. Nice lesson for our own kids, no?

Fenicle - HELLO!!! You always make me laugh and your latest post had me laughing AND squirming. Nice to hear from you.

Adventures In Waitressing said...

Don't look like I pictured either.

As to your blog. OMG. That is the funniest thing I have heard in awhile. I needed the laugh.

Fourier Analyst said...

What a hoot! Your Dad sounds like a real trip!! I am afraid that my ever-so-German DH would not react with near the aplomb!

Loved reading about your meeting with Goofball, but still am jealous. So when's your trip to Europe? JIH & I demand equal time! (There is a potential future alternative as Boston is one of my favorite places to fly in to/out of from Amsterdam!)

Goofball said...

Hahahaaaaaaaa that is so funny! The question you asked your dad, I mean. I suppose I never asked anything like that since we were quite open in walking in and out the bathroom when someone was using it.

In Belgium I had sexual education in grade 6 at school (catholic school as the majority of schools are catholic over there), once more in high school in religion class and once in biology class. Only the very last one went in as much detail as to show condoms etc. But I got it first time explained by my dad when he was tired of me asking what those ladies in their underwear were sitting all day in front of the windows and whether they had nothing better to do and if they weren't cold (...=> we often had to drive by some type of red-light district along a highway when going to the next big city Ghent).

soccer mom in denial said...

Adventures - goodness what did you all think I looked like?

FA - she speaks, or writes! Yes my friend, I think a trip over seas is warrented.

GB - well, thanks for outing my photo. Seems to have thrown folks for a loop. As for your condom conversation - I don't know how folks managed those red light windows. My kids would be asking nonstop questions about the ladies in their underwear.

Goofball said...

well I must admit I thought you looked differently as well. I think that is always the case when you have not seen someone yet, no? I thought you'd have brown shoulder length hair with the tips curling inwards a bit. :)

about the red light districts...well as a child you interpret things very innocently for a long time. I assumed those women all had too much time on their hands and that they liked to watch the cars driving by and that their houses were really really hot since they weren't wearing a lot of clothes. A bit weird yes, but not that big of a deal :)

Jenn said...

Yeah, I've been assured many times by all my guy friends that at some point in time every male measures.

So, when your boys are like 14 and you find a bunch of rulers in their room, I'm highly doubting it is for geometry or trigonometry. (Trig doesn't really use rulers, but whatever.)

Also, I wish that more places taught sex ed. You are lucky!

Jami said...

You look just like I thought you would. I wonder why.

Alex Elliot said...

There must be some psychic Unitarian connection because I am planning on doing a post later about our OWL type talk we had yesterday. Great post! Your dad sounds like a great dad!

chelle said...

oh my I spit out my drink on this one! Your too funny!

Jenn said...

now if I'd had a drink, there would be spitting!

your parents are so insanely cool - as is your church, I must say.